1. Heaven and Hell

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human being because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said - "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked - "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied - "Then you ask him."

2. See the God in a  Minute

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied - "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said - "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied - "They will know in a minute."

3. White Hair

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked - "Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?"
Her mother replied - "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said - "Oh Mummy, Now I know why grandma's hairs are all white?"

4. ...She is Dead

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture - "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say - "There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out - "And there's the teacher, she's dead."

5. Your Feet Are Not Empty

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said - "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted "Because your feet ain't empty."

6. God is Watching Apples

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples...
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note - "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

7. A Kindergarten Teacher

Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his boots?

Once a student asked her teacher to help him putting on his shoes and she could see why.
With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on.
When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."

She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on -- this time on the right feet.

This time he announced - "These aren't my boots."
She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and screamed, "Why didn't you say so before?" she wanted to know.

Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off.
He then said - "They're not my boots, they are my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them."
She didn't know if she should laugh or cry.

She mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.
She said - "Now, where are your mittens?"
He said, "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots."

Her husband has told the school that after the shaking will stop she can probably report back to work in a few days.

Power corrupts. Knowledge is power. Study hard and be evil.

8. Where Do I Come From?

"Dad, where did I come from?" a 10-year-old asks his father, who is shocked at the question. He had expected to explain the facts of life to his son a few years later, but figures out that it's the best out of the way. He spends the next two hours explaining everything to the little boy to his best ability, and then asks what had prompted his question.

His son replies, "I was talking to the new kid across the street and he said he came from Mumbai, so I was just wondering where I came from."

9. Because You Are Born in August

Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they 'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Paddy's 18th birthday came around, he and his pal Mick, took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat.... and nearly drowned. Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Paddy went to see his grandmother ..
"Grandma, " he asked, "It is my 18th birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father, his father and his father before him?"

Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled blue eyes and said, "Because your father, your grandfather and your great-grandfather were all born In December, when the lake is frozen...."