Atom Bomb
"An invention to end all inventions."

Boss
"Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early."

Cigarette
A pinch of tobacco, rolled in paper, with fire at one end, and a fool at the other!

Classic
Books, which people praise, but do not read."

Committee
"Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together."

Compromise
"The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece."

Conference
"The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present."

Conference Room
"A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on."

Dictionary
"A place where success comes before work."

Diplomat
"A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip."

Doctor
"A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills."

Ecstasy
"A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before."

Etc
"A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do."

Experience
"The name men give to their mistakes."

Father
"A banker provided by nature."

Lecture
"An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through 'the minds of either'."

Life Insurance
"A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich."

Marriage
"It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters."

Miser
"A person who lives poor so that he can die RICH!"

Nurse
"A person who wakes you up to give you sleeping pills."

Office
"A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life."

Optimist
"A person who while falling from EIFFEL TOWER says in midway "SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"

Philosopher
"A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise after death."

Politician
"One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

School
"A place where Papa pays and Son plays."

Smile
"A curve that can set a lot of things straight."

Tears
"The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Adult:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

Beauty Parlor:
A place where women curl up and dye.

Cannibal:
Someone who is fed up with people.

Chickens:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

Committee:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

Dust:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

Egoist:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

Gossip:
A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

Handkercief:
Cold Storage.

Inflation:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

Mosquito:
An insect that makes you like flies better.

Raisin:
Grape with a sunburn.

Secret:
Something you tell to one person at a time.

Skeleton:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

Toothache:
The pain that drives you to extraction.

Tomorrow:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

Wrinkles:
Something other people have. You have character lines.

Yawn:
An honest opinion openly expressed.