He was welcomed in the living room. All, the girl's father, the mother and the girl herself, sat with him. He said to them - "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take responsibility. If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I should do?"

"Are you sure?", the distraught woman asked him. "He was a great family pet. Isn't there anything else you can do?"

The vet paused for a moment and said - "Let me see. There is one more thing we can do." He left the room for a moment and came back carrying a large cage with a cat in it. The vet opened the cage door and the cat walked over to the dog. The cat sniffed the dog from head to toe and walked back to the cage. He said - "Well, that confirms that your dog is dead.'

Satisfied that the vet had done everything he possibly could, the woman sighed and said - "How much do I owe you?" "That will be $1,100.' the vet replied. 'I don't believe it." screamed the woman. 'What did you do that costs $1,100?"

"Well", the vet replied - "$100 for the office visit and $1,000 for the cat-scan." 

4. After I am Gone...

A woman went to her doctor. The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said - "I am sorry, I've some bad news for you. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order. The woman was shocked to hear this, but managed to compose herself and walked into the waiting room, where her daughter was waiting for her.

She said to her - "Well, Dear daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. Let's head to the club and have a martini."

After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis. Eventually some of the woman's old friends approached them They were quite curious as to what those two were up to.

The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end - "I Have been diagnosed with AIDS." The friends were also sorry for her, they expressed their condolences to the woman, and they had a couple of more martinis with her.

After the friends had left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, "Mamma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told Your friends that you were dying of AIDS." The woman said, "I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I'm gone."

5. Conversation in an Elevator

An attractive girl and a handsome man stepped into the same elevator.
The blonde sighed happily and exclaimed - "TGIF." and was surprised to hear man's reply - "SHIT".

The girl thought perhaps he didn't hear her correctly, so she repeated it once again - "TGIF" and once again the man replied "SHIT".