1. Who is Sleeping on Top.....

Laloo, Rabri and his son were returning from south by train. Laloo was occupying the lower berth, Rabri the middle berth and his son was on the top most berth in the train compartment.

The train stopped at one of the stations on the way back and the son asked Laloo to go with him to buy him a Cadbury's chocolate. When Laloo and his son returned after buying the chocolate, they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth.

So Laloo explained to him - "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."

2. That is How Business is Done

Laloo Prasad Yadav talks to his son to get married.

Laloo : I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I want to choose my own bride".

Laloo : "But the girl is Ambani's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case.... Yes."

Next Laloo approaches Mukesh Ambani
Laloo : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Ambani : "But I don't want to marry my daughter."

Laloo : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Ambani : "Ah, in that case.... Yes"

Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Laloo : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president. "
President : "But I already have more vice-presidents than I need."

Laloo : "But this young man is Ambani's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case.... Yes."

3. Laaloo Goes to Hell

Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), LK Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were traveling in an auto rickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of them died. Yam Raaj was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death.

He asks PVNR and Advani to go to Heaven, but, for Laloo, Yam had already decided that he should be sent to Hell.
Laloo is not at all happy with this decision. He asks Yam Raaj as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public positions, etc. Then why the differential treatment? He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or pre-conceived notions.

Yam Raaj agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English test.
PVNR is asked to spell "India" and he does it correctly.
Advani is asked to spell "England" and he too passes.
Now it is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell "Czechoslovakia".
Laloo protests that he doesn't know English. He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus forced to fail with false intent.

Yam Raaj then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal platform for all three).
PVNR is asked to write "Kuttaa Bolaa Bhaun Bhaun". He writes it easily and passes the test.
Advani is asked to write "Billee Bolee Myaaoon Myaaoon". He too passes the test.
Laloo is asked to write "Bandar Bolaa Gurrrrrrrr...." Tough one. He fails again.
Laloo again is extremely unhappy.

Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't), he now requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history. Yam Raaj says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take any more tests.
PVNR is asked: "When did India get Independence?". He replied "1947" and he passed the test.
Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence struggle?".
He gets nervous. Yam asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000 or 300,000.
Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes the test. It's Laloo's turn now.

Yam asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died in the struggle.
Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to Hell.

Moral of the story: If your management has decided to screw you, there is no escape.

4. Laloo Applied in Microsoft...

Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a position in Microsoft Corporation, USA. A few days later he got this reply:

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks Bill Gates.

Laloo Prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when all the guests had come, he said: "Bhaaiyo aur Behano, aap ko jaan kar khushee hogee ki hum ko Amareekaa mein naukari mil gayee hoon." Everyone was delighted to hear this. Laloo Prasad continued... ... "Ab mein aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padhkar sunaaongaa. par letter angrezee main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindee main translate bhee karoongaa.

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- Pyaare Laloo Prasad bhaiyyaa
You do not meet ----- aap to milate hee naheen ho
our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondence ----- ab letter vetter bhejne kaa kaouno zaroorat naanhee.
No phone call ----- phoonawaa ka bhee zaroorat naanhee hai
shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jaayegee.
Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. ---- Bilva.

Some Short Jokes of Laloo

(1) Laloo enters a shop and shouts, "Where is my free gift with this oil?"
Shopkeeper - "Iske saath koi gift naheen hai, Lalooji."
Laloo - "Ispe likha hai CHOLESTEROL FREE."

(2) Saddam Hussain visits God and asks him : "God, When shall I see The defeat of Bush?"
God replies - "Son, you will not see it in your lifetime."
Hearing this, Saddam Hussain starts crying and goes away.
Gen Parvez Musharraf visits God and asks him - "God, when shall I see the Capture of Kashmeer by Paakistaan?"
God replies - "Son, you will not see it in your lifetime."
Hearing this, Gen Parvez Musharaff also starts crying and goes away.
Now Laloo Yadav visits God and asks him - "God when shall I see Bihaar becoming a prosperous and happy state?"
Hearing this, God starts crying. Seeing God crying Laloo is astounded and asks - "God, why are you crying?"
God replies - "Son, I will not see it in my lifetime."

(3) Once Laloo was coming out of the airport. As there was a huge rush, the security guard told Laloo - "WAIT PLEASE",
To which Laloo replied - "85 Kgs" and moved on.

(4) Laloo's family planning policy : DON'T HAVE MORE THAN TWO CHILDREN IN ONE YEAR"

(5) At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's left tells the bartender - "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE."
And the man's companion says - "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE."
The bartender approaches Laloo and asks him - "And you Sir?"
Laloo replies - "LALOO YADAV, MARRIED."

(6) After having resigned as the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides To go for modeling.
Once he enters the herd of buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the cattle, he poses for the photo.
Next day the photo appears on the front page of a newspaper.
Guess the caption -  "Laloo, third from left"

(7) A reporter asked Laloo - "What is the main reason for divorce?"
Laloo replies - "Marriage".

(8) After completing a jigsaw puzzle he had been working on for quite sometime, Laloo proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend. "It took me only 5 months to do it," Laloo brags.
"Five months? That is too long." the friend exclaims. You are a fool."
Laloo replies, "Read the box, it says 5-7 years."

(9) NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one person could go, and he will not return to Earth.
The first applicant, an American engineer, was asked, how much he wanted to be paid for going.
"A million dollars", he answered, "because I wish to donate it to MIT."

The next applicant, a Russian doctor, was asked the same question.
He asked for two million dollars. "I wish to give a million to my family," he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."

The last applicant was a Indian politician (Laloo Yadav). When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars."
"Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked.
The Indian politician replied - "$1 million is for you, $1 million is for me, and we'll give the rest $1million to American engineer and send him to Mars."