2. Two Assholes

Zardari and Balawal were in Paris where they made friends with a French guy named Jean Paul. They used to go all over Paris with him when suddenly one day Jean Paul disappeared. Zardari and Balawal went to the police and lodged a complaint.

The police asked Zardari and Balawal if they could give some vital clues about Jean Paul that would make finding him easier.

Zardari says... "Jean Paul was handsome and tall..."
Police... "All Frenchmen are like that... Give us something specific."

Balawal says "Jean Paul had blue eyes and was very fair..."
Police says " Common guys, all Frenchmen have blue eyes and they are fair, tell us something specific...."

Zardari and Balawal now... looked at each other...
Zardari said,  'Oh yes. Now we remember, Jean Paul had two holes in his ass."

Policeman gets really interested now, "Now that's something very specific - but tell me, how do you know this? Did you guys see it?"

Zardari and Balawal ... " No we didn't see the holes, but wherever we went with Jean Paul, everyone used to say - here comes Jean Paul with the TWO assholes.

2. Bill's Pie - Dark Humor

Bill Gates :- "Brussels police department, how may I assist you?"
"Uh.. yes.. I just got hit in the face with a cream pie."
"Okay, sir. Have you called the Brussels police department before?"
"No"
"Well, let me get a little information about you for our records. Your name?"
"Bill Gates"
"Country?"
"The USA"
"Native language?"
"English"

"Okay, sir. Your police department ID number is BP31415927. Please use this number the next time you call. Now, you say you were hit in the face with a pie?"
"Yes, I was just about to meet with the Belgian Prime Minister. One person distracted me while another hit me with a cream pie."

"We've had other customers report that they were hit in the face with a custard pie. Are you sure it was a cream pie?"
"Well, I have white stuff all over my face and I don't see any custard, so I really don't think it was a custard pie."
"Have you visited the Prime Minister before?"
"Yes"
"Were you hit in the face with a pie then?"
"No"

"Hmm... have you visited any other Prime Ministers in the past month?"
"Yes"
"Any pies then?"
"No"
"Okay, well.. let's try something. Go outside the building and come in again. I'll wait."
"Just a minute.."

Several minutes pass, "Okay, I'm back."
"Did you get hit by another pie?"
"Of course not"
"Well sir, I don't know what could have caused the first pie, but it looks like things are working fine now. I'll make a note of the problem, though. If it happens again, please note the exact details of the situation and call us again. Thank you for calling the Brussels Police Department."

3. The Israeli Dog and the Arab Dog

The Israelis and Arabs realized that if they continued fighting, they would someday end up destroying the whole world, so they decided to settle their dispute with an ancient practice: A duel of two, like David and Goliath.

Now this would be a dog fight. The negotiators agreed each side would take 5 years to develop the best fighting dog they could. The dog that won the fight would earn its people the right to rule the disputed areas. The losing side would have to lay down its arms for good.

The Arabs found the biggest, meanest Dobermans and Rottweilers in the world. They bred them together and then crossed their offspring with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest, strongest puppy of each litter, fed it the best food and killed all the other puppies. They used steroids and trainers in their quest for the perfect killing machine. After the 5 years were up, they had a dog that needed iron prison bars on its cage. Only expert trainers could handle this incredibly nasty, ferocious beast.

When the day of the big dog-fight finally arrived, the Israelis showed up with a very strange animal, a Dachshund that was 10 feet long!! Everyone at the dog-fight arena felt sorry for the Israelis. No one there seriously thought this weird, odd-looking animal stood any chance against the growling beast over in the Arab camp. The bookies all took one look and predicted the Arab dog would win in less than a minute.

The cages were opened. The Dachshund slowly waddled toward the center of the ring. The Arab dog leaped from his cage and charged the giant wiener-dog. As he got to within an inch of the Israeli dog, the Dachshund opened its jaws and swallowed the Arab beast whole in one bite. There was nothing left but a small puff of fur from the Arab killer-dog's tail floating to the ground. The stunned crowd of international observers, bookies and media personnel let out a collective gasp of disbelief and surprise.

The Arabs approached the Israelis, muttering and shaking their heads in disbelief. "We do not understand," said their leader, "our top scientists and breeders worked for 5 years with the meanest, biggest Dobermans, Rottweillers and Siberian wolves. They developed an incredible killing machine of a dog".

The Israeli General replied. "Well, for 5 years we have had a team of Jewish plastic surgeons in Beverly Hills, California, working to make an alligator look like a Dachshund."