Sushmajee
Miscellanea | International Jokes

Jokes

Home | Miscellanea | Jokes

International Jokes-2

Previous | Next

 
International Jokes-2

1. National Integration

A guy from Uttar Pradesh (UP) was away from his family for about 4 years while his wife was in Jaunpur (UP). At the end of 4 years, he distributed sweets to his colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son...

His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked him how this "happy event" happened when he had not seen his wife for four years... The man said it is common in UP that neighbors (good Samaritans) take care of the wife when men are away. The colleagues asked him, "What name will you give to the son?" 

The man explained, "If it's the second neighbor who has taken care of his wife, then the name would be as DWIVEDI; if it is the third neighbor then it would be as TRIVEDI, If it is the fourth neighbor then it would be as CHATURVEDI; and if its the fifth neighbor then it would be as PANDEY... 

After listening to this, questions followed. "What if it is a mixture of neighbors?"
"Then the boy would be named as MISHRA"... 

And what if the wife is too shy to tell the name of the neighbor?"
"Then his name would be SHARMA..."

"But what if she refuses to divulge the name of the neighbor?"
"Then the name of the child would be as GUPTA"...

"And if she does not remember the name of the neighbor then?"
"It will be named as YAAD-AV..."

"But who knows whether the child has resulted from a rape? Then?"
"Then he will be named as DOSHI...."

Finally, "If the child happened because of wife's burning desire for sex? Then?"
"Then he will be named as JOSHI..."

"If the whole country had made efforts for his happy arrival?..."
"Then he would be named as DESHPANDEY..."


2. A Sardaar Jee in Saudi Arabia

Once a Sardaar, a German and an American got arrested consuming alcohol in Saudi Arabia where it is a severe offense. So for this crime they were all sentenced 20 lashes each by the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced - "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The German was first in line, he thought for a while and said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

The American was next. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the American was also led away whimpering loudly.

Now it was Sardaar's turn, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said - "You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!" "Thank you very much, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," Sardaar replied, "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. "And what is your second wish, ?" the Sheik asked. Sardar smiled and said, "Tie the American to my back."

[A variation of this joke is that there were three people - one Sardaar, one German and one Paakistaanee. And in the end the Sardaar asks the Sheikh to tie the Paakistaanee to his back.]


3. You are the Expert...

One day a Sardaar went for hunting in Ontario state, Canada and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by an honorary game warden who didn't like Aardaar.

The game warden ordered the Sardaar to show his hunting license, and the Sardaar pulled out a valid Ontario hunting license. The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said - "This duck is not from Ontario. This is a Quebec duck. Have you got a Quebec hunting license, boy?" The Sardaar reached into his wallet and produced a Quebec hunting license.

The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said - "This duck is not from Quebec. This duck is from Manitoba. Have you got a Manitoba license?" The Sardaar again reached into his wallet and produced a Manitoba hunting license.

The warden reached over again and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said, "This is not a Manitoba duck. This duck is from Nova Scotia. Have you got a Nova Scotia hunting license?" Again the Sardaar reached into his wallet and brought out a Nova Scotia hunting license.

The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the Sardaar "Just where the hell are you from?" The Sardaar smiled turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said - "You tell me, you're the expert."


4. A Sardaar Jee and a Lie Machine

A lie machine was bought and it worked in the following way..... If the truth is told - the machine won't give any sound but if a lie is told - the machine will give a sound "KIRRRRRRRR.. ." Now there are three Indians. One Bangaalee, one Madraasee and one Sardaar Jee. Their conversations are given in front of the lie machine. Here it goes......

Bangaalee :- "I think I can eat 30 Roshogullaa at a time."
Lie machine:-"KIRRRRRRRR.. ."

Bangaalee:-"No no, I think I can eat 10 Roshogullaa at a time."
Lie machine:- no sound (truth is told)

Madraasee:-"I think I can eat 25 Dosaa at a time."
Lie machine:-"KIRRRRRRRR.. ."

Madraasee:-'No no, I think I can eat 10 Dosaa at a time."
Lie machine:-no sound (truth)

Sardaar Jee:-"I think...."
Lie machine:- "KIRRRRRRRR.. ."

Sardaar Jee:-"I think...."
Lie machine:- "KIRRRRRRRR.. ."

Sardaar Jee:-"I think...."
Lie machine:- "KIRRRRRRRR.. ."

Sardaar Jee:-"I think...."
Lie machine:- "KIRRRRRRRR.. ."

Sardaar Jee:-"I think...."
Lie machine:- "KIRRRRRRRR.. ."   (did you follow the joke?)

The machine was sounding KIRRRRRR, because Sardaar Jee was lying that he was thinking, because he could not even "think".

 

 

Home | Miscellanea | Jokes

 

Previous | Next

Created by Sushma Gupta On May 27, 2001
Contact: sushmajee@yahoo.com
Modified on 09/24/13